like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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