But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
