it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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