I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
