We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
