i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
