I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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