i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
