I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's get the cat blown out
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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