ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
