did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
