Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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