he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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