If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
