Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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