I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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