well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
