with your own penis?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
