Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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