dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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