The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
