Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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