glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
