i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
