Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
