You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
