We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
