How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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