Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i now understand why vodka
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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