I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want her autograph on my taint
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
