I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
