I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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