WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just gargled with NyQuil
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
