I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
