that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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