OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
