Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
