I CAN MOONWALK!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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