now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize
