Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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