guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is wine microwaveable?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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