I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
