I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
