I can tuck mytits in my pants
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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