Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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