I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
