Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
