We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
