Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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