It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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