That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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