he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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