paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
