I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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