Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
