youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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