The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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