My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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