I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
