You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
