Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
why is half of my head shaved?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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