Soap is not a condiment
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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