My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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