I love black thongs
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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