Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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