u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
