i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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