i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
