My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize