Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
