Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
