Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
