Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
