mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
