Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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