Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
