During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
