i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
