Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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